


What once was but could never be.

by NotJustAHoeForHoshi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20234119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotJustAHoeForHoshi/pseuds/NotJustAHoeForHoshi
Summary: How Kwon Soonyoung gained a heart but lost a soul.





	What once was but could never be.

**Author's Note:**

> Double check tags before reading!!

Soonyoung always hated summer vacation. Every year his family head to a ridiculous resort with ridiculous people and ridiculous attitudes. Its suffocating.

His family only go because his mother promised his aunt that they'd make the extra effort after his grandmother died. So for the 2 months that he's free from the workload of university, he's stuck here with too perfect views and too perfect smiles.

When they first started going 6 years ago Soonyoung actually loved it. He was in constant awe of the well dressed guests and the huge shiny chandeliers. It's as he got older he realised everything was superficial. 

People were so concerned with keeping up appearances and furthering their perfect lives that they didn't care who got hurt in the process. Anytime Soonyoung tried to have real conversations with anyone close in age or not they all shut him down. The whimsical ideas of what it could be like to mean more than your bank account weren't well received. Not by the people who clung so dearly to the ideals that wealth made you worthy.  Simply without it most of the people he shared breakfast with would be living empty lives, amounting to very little.

So Soonyoung learned to keep quiet, kept to himself and eventually just stopped interacting with anyone other than his parents. For those two months of summer he wasn't himself, but that just meant he fitted in more than ever. Even his own parents barely noticed as they too were stuck trying to maintain their own acts of being upper class. They hated it just as much as Soonyoung, they never admitted it directly but he knew.

The one solace he could take in those 8 weeks was the dance studio at the edge of the resort. It was just an empty storage room that he came across when he first explored everything there was to offer. There were some spare mirrors piled up in a corner so he leaned them as best as he could against the wall. Eventually he gave in and asked one of the staff members who had a soft spot for him, if they could attach them properly.  He woke the next morning with a key left in his room by housekeeping with a note;  _ "We cleared it out for you, don't tell any of the other guests though. Only our hoshi gets the star treatment."  _

From then on every chance he got within those two months he was in the makeshift studio. He'd brought his own stereo the next year and set it up in one of the corners, it was a bit tinny but it was all he needed. He managed to create a few more of his own original choreographies, upping the difficulty with every song. 

He'd been dancing since he was 6 when his taekwondo teacher recommended he take a couple lessons to improve his movement control. He ended up falling in love with it convincing his parents to let him attend both. When it came to attending university his mother was less than enthusiastic about him choosing performing arts over international business. His father managed to convince her to watch him perform with his local dance club and it was enough to change her mind. It was painstakingly obvious it's what he was always meant to do.

This summer he had just finished his first year of university and was honestly thriving. Not even the fake smiles and endless small talk could dampen his spirits as he bounced across the perfectly even, bright green grass towards his safe space. 

That's when he noticed someone peering into the window. 

They were a little shorter than him but were much buffer. Soonyoung was all lean muscle it just made the movements flow better, this guy however had such nice back definition through his tight black t-shirt it had soonyoung rethinking his entire gym regime.

Finally sensing someone was behind him the shorter jumped, span around to face him and pressed his back against the wall. Fuck he was pretty. Somewhere in the back of his mind Soonyoung could hear his mother berate him for swearing but he couldn't care less. This was the prettiest man he'd ever seen, the soft brown eyes lighting up as the sunlight shone just right. He could make out a hint of blond hair from underneath the black cap. Soonyoung was a sucker for blonds of any gender.

"Sorry I've never been here before, I was just looking for somewhere quiet to work on something. Im sorry. Please dont report me to management I accidentally spilled my soup on the red haired one so i think they might-" Soonyoung's soft laugh cut off the smaller's rambling. The blond sucked in a breath as he anticipated Soonyoung's reaction. He tilted his head in confusion as Soonyoung just smiled softly at him. Sharp eyes disappearing as his face scrunched up. "You're cute when you're flustered." He spoke softly. Not used to speaking freely, something about this man had him relaxing though.

The man just crossed his arms as he sputtered, trying not to draw attention to his burning red ears. "How can you just say that so casually? You don't even know my name." He said incredulously.

Soonyoung's expression changed, soft smile replaced with a calculating stare that he knew people found uncomfortable but he had to be sure he could trust the man. After a tense moment he relaxed once again, pulled the keys out of his pocket and handed it to the smaller man. Warily the blond slowly reached out taking the keys. "hoshi?" He asked as he turned over the small metal star keychain. 

Soonyoung hesitated for a minute, "Yeah that's me." He glanced at the other trying to gauge his reaction as it was pretty clear that it was just a nickname.

The man simply held out a strong arm "Hi, hoshi. I'm woozi." Soonyoung's soft smile returned as he shook the man's hand. He never bought into the whole falseness of life on the resort but right now with  _ Woozi _ it felt right. With their real names came expectations and a subtle hierarchy. With a pseudonym they were fake only in name.

That was the start of Soonyoung's most treasured friendship. He invited Woozi into his studio and lit up when he started talking about all the sequences he wanted to try from his notebook. Woozi had just sat and listened soaking up the rapid fire of information. Soonyoung's enthusiasm was infectious and after a while he convinced Woozi to let him teach him one of his choreographies.

It was nightfall by the time he got through the routine with only minor mistakes. The pair laid down on their backs, clothes stuck to them uncomfortable as sweat rolled onto the floor. Neither of them cared though, they just looked at each other with wide smiles as the music echoed off the mirrored walls. 

A few days later and Woozi had explained his love of music specifically composing. How he writes for some smaller entertainment companies and dreams of making it big someday. Soonyoung was so ecstatic about it that he had a keyboard installed in the room too. "Because it's not just my space anymore it's ours. All you needed to do is ask." He told the other as he pressed another key into the shorter's palm, the small keychain matched his own but instead engraved on it was "howoo". Soonyoung got flustered when asked about it, explaining how its their names combined. Woozi just smiled at him, he'd never had anyone want to share anything like this with him before.

So the pair developed a routine. After the mandatory quality time with their families, they'd have a drink sent over to the other as a signal then snuck off to their studio. They alternated between working on their own stuff to just hanging out. Sometimes they'd take a walk around the cliffs and beaches that lay beneath the resort. Woozi showed him some of his favourite spots to write. The hidden alcoves created the perfect place to lose himself in his thoughts.

After a month things between the two changed ever so slightly. Gazes lingered for longer, soft touches turned to gentle caresses and a quick hug turned to an intimate embrace. It made Soonyoung's heart quicken and his head spin but he loved every second of it. He found himself starting to love him and it was terrifying in the best way possible.

Soon the hesitant press of kisses on foreheads and cheeks became a heated crash of lips against lips. Hands tangled in hair and clothes.The mirrors and walls covered in more than just sweat. 

After 7 short weeks soonyoung could say he was in love with the man whose hand was clutched in his. Whos bright laugh had a way of relieving all the tension he didn't know he carried. The man who made Soonyoung feel real in a place where time seemed altered and everything he thought he knew came crumbling down. The man who knew every single thing that Soonyoung had been too scared to say throughout his life.

The man that knew everything except his name but then again what's in a name? This was the man Soonyoung gave his heart to and it was this mans heart that he cradled in his hands.

Woozi beat him to saying it.

Soonyoung had planned a sweet evening of stargazing on top of the cliffs, bathing in moonlight. He was always a hopeless romantic, Woozi endlessly teased him for it. So when they finished singing a duet of their favourite anime opening, their laughter died down and Woozi just held his face in his hands and whispered "Hoshi, I think im in love with you." Soonyoung just frowned and pouted. Woozi panicked until Soonyoung had pulled the smaller into his lap whining about how he wanted to be first to say it because he felt the same then pressed kisses into the side of his neck. The smaller squirmed, he was always ticklish and after Soonyoung explained his elaborate gesture he promised they could still go through with his plan.

Everything had been perfect. That alone should have been a warning as within perfection was a lack of reality. 

The only way to describe it was being crushed. The weight of reality came down on Soonyoung hard. Shaking the foundations of everything he knew, tearing Woozi from him. Leaving him pressed down into a speck of what he was.

It had been a perfect evening, the moonlight hit just as perfect as it always did. Illuminating all of his favourite features on the smaller. They'd shared the softest of kisses with the heaviest meaning. All their emotions flowed into each press of lips against skin. As they lay with each other relearning every muscle and mole of their bodies with only the stars above to witness, it felt like their souls had intertwined.

And now two days later holding a flyer in his hands for a missing  _ Lee Jihoon _ , Soonyoung felt as if his soul was ripped from his body and tossed over the cliff edge. 

He spent every waking moment searching, either by himself or with the search parties. The final weeks stay at the resort running out like sand between his fingers. No one could figure out what had happened. Some didn't want to know, scared reality would shake their perfect lives like it so clearly had shaken  _ the lover _ . Soonyoung grew more and more resentful with every day  _ Jihoon  _ was missing. Resentful towards the fake concern for his well being, resentful that he had no choice but to leave in a few days but more than anything; resentful at the fact woozi was long gone and hoshi had disappeared with him.

Yoon Jeonghan found the all too familiar keys left on his desk, housekeeping had found them on the bedside table of room 615. The man allowed himself to shed a tear as he ordered the burnt out studio on the edge of the lot be torn down. 

The kwon family still returned every year, but never complete. Business tycoon Kwon Soonyoung could never bring himself to join them. Instead staying in landlocked cities with too much air pollution to see the stars. His cold attitude became notorious throughout the industry.

People always wondered what ever happened to the sweet, passionate 21 year old? No one knew for sure but every year on August 13th his demeanor went from cold to icy, his sharp gaze became piercing but he bared a weight on his shoulders so heavy that no one dared question it. His secretary was the only one with some idea as at exactly 11.22am there was a donation given to the Lee foundation for lost loved ones under the name  _ Hoshi _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this kwjxjsjxid i havnt uploaded anything in 2 years so feels weird being back.  
Comment any questions and feel free to yell at me on twitter @hoeforhoshi.  
♡♡♡♡


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